


Alone

by essenceofbeing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:39:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1247968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essenceofbeing/pseuds/essenceofbeing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been awhile since the Winchesters died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

It’s been awhile since the Winchesters died.

Castiel’s always had someone with him, whether it was the Host clamoring inside of him or the hunters with their human fragility. Now, however, everyone’s gone. He’s too weak to bring Sam and Dean back, and his days are silent and mostly empty.

 _Don't mess with my Baby,_  was the first thing that Dean had written to him. And then, _You_ _gotta live._ _Hunt things, save people. That’s what Winchesters do_. He had remembered tears filling his eyes, as he realized he was accepted as a Winchester after all the crimes he had committed against them. And so he does. He drives, and slices at monsters, and buys groceries. He’s familiar now with human currency, the clink of coins and rustle of paper in his trench coat. He’s also used to the feel of a blade bouncing against his leg, the folded FBI badge in his bag.

Sometimes, hunting (living) gets hard and Castiel uses the remnants of the foreign angel grace in him to conjure hallucinations of Dean and Sam, smiling and bickering and just being themselves. Sam asks him about cases, and Dean calls him Cas with a grin. Sometimes he replies, but most of the time he sits silently in the bunker and watches them until they fade away, echoes of their voices bouncing off the walls. When their laughs no longer fill the empty space in his head, he goes out and tries to find the other angels.

Castiel is still the rebel angel, the shunned one. Demons and angels alike stay away from him, in fear of death or something worse. After a few years, Castiel gives up on trying to find a kind soul. He spends his days inside the bunker, running his fingers over things that still have remnants of the Winchesters on them. He learns everything he can about cars, and keeps the Impala polished and beautiful. (Once or twice, he tempts the idea of destroying the Impala so Dean would have no choice but to come back and haunt him.) When he finds Dean's bright pink music player, gifted by Charlie, he listens to all the songs Dean never had a chance to share with him.

Castiel regrets many things about his association with the Winchesters. He wishes he would have avoided betraying their trust, wishes that he could have met them sooner. (Sometimes, he dreams that he could have told Dean I love you). When days get really bad, he regrets meeting them. He could have gone millennia without the hole in his chest that only Dean’s smile or Sam’s laugh could fill.

One day, he sees the familiar Supernatural books in a window and, randomly, buys them all. The people on the cover have gotten more accurate over the ages, but Dean's too tall and Sam's hair is too short. Castiel reads them, until he comes to one line that makes his eyes fill with tears and slam the book shut. Still, he goes back and rereads it, over and over, until the page is dog-eared and the book is falling apart. Eventually, he rips the page out and keeps it in his coat.

_And in that moment, although betrayal ran through his veins, watching Cas sacrifice himself with the backlight of holy fire was what finally made Dean Winchester fall in love._

The only thing keeping him going after that is the reminder that he was stupid enough to let Dean Winchester slip out of his fingers. Castiel realizes in order to see Dean again, Heaven had to come back. He finds Metatron after years and years of near-death experiences, tortures him with the fury of a thousand mistakes, and restores Heaven.

Angels roam the skies again, and Castiel flies unsurely up to the Roadhouse where Dean is. Dean’s outside, laying in the Impala and blasting music. The lyrics are familiar, after years and years of listening to the songs that Dean loved. Sam’s inside with Jess, and Castiel appears with a flap of wings.

He thinks that maybe, just maybe, Dean’s smile was worth all those years of being alone.


End file.
